Given

     "He was given over to his lustful passions and worldly pleasures." "If he had given over his life then it would have been saved." "He gave up His life and all authority in heaven and earth has been given over to Him." "I have already given him over to Satan so that the Lord may discipline him through fire." "He is given over to your hand, but do not harm his body, or take his life." These are just a few ways we can use the two words "given over", and yet in biblical terms tends to imply a level of submission and sacrifice. In the book I'm reading titled: Right Relationships - Tom Marshall; he dedicates the book to I'd assume his wife "who gave me 41 years of her life." This caught my eye and I thought to myself "my, I want someone to give me their life like that!" Of course in the context of the phrase I thought of a wife, but the next thought that came reminded me that I have been given a life. In fact, I haven't just been given 'a life' but THE life, and life everlasting at that by the one and only Son of God.  Jesus Christ has given me his life, and in turn, I am lead to give my life back to him and to be given over to his truth and his sacrifice. 

    The fulfillment of being given over to Jesus is as Paul might say "of far surpassing value than anything else in this world."  Yet to be given over to something also requires a submission rooted in trust. Recently I've been rediscovering the definition of the word "trust." I've been discovering how God leads in trust by placing the responsibility to the subjects who have been brought into His kingdom, and how even though He knows most of His subjects will more than likely not live up to the potential of each situation, He is heavily invested in allowing His subjects to grow to become the person that would not make the same mistakes over and over. In my own life I've been conditioned to where I know I don't allow my leaders, or really even myself, to make mistakes for the purpose of growing in character. This is because I had decided that no leader was worthy of my trust, nor could I ever trust myself.

    To say that this has created dissension within me would sort of capture how much pain this has caused me over the last couple of weeks. One of the key principles of trust is being able to fulfill command whilst also not breaching boundaries. Fulfilling command is the easy part for me, but because of the mindset that boundaries are needless and made with a faulty bias that I carried, I test boundaries, running over them with a recklessness that may not have any purpose at all especially in the face of wisdom. I have run over boundaries and rather than respect them in the interest of earning trust I have blatantly said "you're not worth my trust and neither I am worth yours, therefore I will not follow your rules." This weekend I have been filled with shame and grief over this mindset and maybe have just begun realizing the gravity of the hurt I have caused both my friend and in my leadership team.

    Yet, I have been given grace and an opportunity to step up my game. I have been given over to growth in Jesus and the flawlessness of His character, and the integrity of His word. This is my prayer and my meditation. That I would be given over to Him and that I would be dead and He alone who lives through me.