Intimacy

    I have tended to think that nearly every person I've ever met has a problem with intimacy. But I know that I have had a huge problem with intimacy and it always falls back to how I've comforted myself in the past. It's not always easy to admit that I was a slave to sexual immorality, pornography and masturbation, but I was and it was how I received and made intimacy for myself for a very long time. Recently I've been walking with a beloved brother who has walked me through deep and effective repentance in that, and I owe it to God and him that I'm now feeling so much more comfortable even talking about what I've struggled with, and where I've come from. Of course I still struggle, and still get temptation. But now it's easy to identify where the temptation is attacking, and I'm much more able to see the designs God has made me with and how He'd like me to receive intimacy. 

    Some of the ways that have seemed popular between God and I to receive intimacy has been through music, sound, and frequencies. I wouldn't have even known there was a layer of intimacy I could have with God in this area specifically if I hadn't started listening to His voice. So with that I've begun to learn the significance of words of affirmation for me, especially when I can receive them. I used to have a block for a while specifically regarding whether I felt worthy to receive a word of encouragement, and I fought with inferiority quite a bit. Throughout my journey that is certainly one of the things that God has addressed with me, and has helped me to continue to overcome. Where most of us know about love languages, I think they're very simply the most basic of principles, and there's a lot more to discover there besides the five bases most often discussed.

    One of the ways I love receiving intimacy with God is especially during worship and communal music. Many times I hear extra voices/instruments being played while the music or worship is happening, often either something I feel guided toward, or will try to harmonize with. While it's acquiescing toward my design and love of music, I also believe that even non-musicians can hear/discern when heavenly angels or witnesses in the cloud are singing with us. Or even when God sings along or directly toward us, which wherewith I've mentioned, is by far the most powerful intimacy and satisfying thing to hear, and something I often am most fascinated and awed by. 

    This, I think, is the root and principle of intimacy that we should all look for in the character of God. What are we awed by? What part of the character of God do we get the most "Fear of the Lord" from? 

    I long for the day I can hear the seven thunders thunder, and would love to put what it sounds like in a worship song. I desire to hear the Son of Man and as He speaks with His multitude of voices to hear what it'd sound like. Yet this is the desire that I can enjoy. For one, it is my desires placed in Jesus, and if I continue to keep in mind all of the things in 2 Peter 1:3-7 my goal of intimacy with my Lord may just be fulfilled. We all desire something, and frankly I used to desire fulfillment through means of satisfying the flesh. Now I desire to know more intimately my Lord and Savior, and this is a desire I will keep.