Building Blocks

AS OF LATE I've been discovering what "balance" really means, and how in many ways looking for balance is more harmful than helpful. While I greatly value balance and figuring things out along with harmonization and whatnot, it's very hard to justify some of the things we do in light of who God is. 

What I mean is this: If we are so busy trying to find a balance that we forget to find God, we are doing ourselves, our church, and our God a great disservice. If we spend so much time avoiding heresy, we'll quickly become heretics ourselves of what the Most High God is going after, and what His goals are. We'll become despondent, apostate, and worst of all... forgotten. It's like God has made it clear to those whom He dearly loves that He's moving His body, and His bride further into perfection, creatively and artistically in only the way He can do, and if you're not on board, well, you're sadly going to miss the train. It's not like He doesn't want us to be involved. Personally, I believe that is one of God's deepest desires, to have his creation involved with what He's up to. You know, I find it telling that two of the greatest Apostles in acts (Peter and John) astonished those who were educated in the Law and the Way of the Law, while themselves being completely uneducated. They didn't care what the standards were for pursuing Jesus, they just wanted Jesus.

The thing that hurts is coming to the realization that we as a church have lost that, nearly completely. We value preachers and pastors who have a doctorate in systematic theology over someone who simply shares the gospel. We pursue answers to arguments and proofs of what we think over simply allowing the power of the Holy Spirit to be on full display. We seem to put blame on the enemy, on the other factions and sects of OUR BODY, and forget that putting blame doesn't get anybody anywhere, and taking responsibility is the key to opening ourselves up to innocence and purity. We value "Godly men and women" yet have no clue what self-righteousness versus living in the LORD our righteousness really means. Our leaders have failed us, and we have failed our Leader. We have called others Rabbi when there was only ever meant to be One Rabbi. The more I hear teaching on systematic theology, and open my study bible to theological essays that attempt to explain a complicated issue, the more I want to throw up all over and burn the thing.

Perhaps the reason why is because there is something I've tasted that's worth so much more than that and getting stuck in theology is what I know kept me from it. Getting myself wrapped in the web of apologetics, epistemology, soteriology, hermeneutics, contextualization, only ever taught me that I can very easily get stuck in my head, and forget what God wants to do in my heart. Getting myself stuck in these seemingly good things gave me a righteousness and automatic lesson of how to practice smiling when I don't even want to smile. It gave me a practice of putting on a mask of love and hope when all I felt inside was death and disingenuine lies that told me "these people are nuts, why am I even here."

One of the most powerful sermons I've ever heard is one where a lady got up on the stage, got ready to speak, and started weeping for a solid forty minutes. Uncontrollably wailing, crying at how we've succeeded in translating our sin into justifiable measures of making sure we keep everything under control. Where we've translated our bad experiences and blamed God for the suffering we've received. Where our only real success has been successfully misrepresenting our King and His Good News. 

Lord how you long for your church! Lord O how you long for your church! "come back to me" He says. "Can you imagine the world we can be apart of together?" "Darling, I still desire to bring you into my courts, into my wedding feast. I still desire to have a partnership with you. I still want you. I am with you. Come back to me my love, and I will give you a new heart, and the amazing gift of intimacy with my love. Come and float with me down the river of Truth and Light. Let us forget your worries and hesitations. Let us walk together and enjoy each other's company. I love you, and I always will."